Osananajimi ga Zettai ni Makenai Love Comedy - Chapter 3 Part 1
Chapter 3: Paradise SOS
ED: Pascal’s Wager
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After 30 minutes of question and answer with Maria─
At last, the conversation finally started to move in a positive direction as we decided to pull ourselves together and talk about the PV.
It was too hot outside, so we all gathered in the living room, where Tetsuhiko led the session.
“Fortunately, it's supposed to be sunny for the next three days. So I'm thinking of shooting the PV on the beach, but the sand is too soft for dancing. That's why I'm going to set up a simple stage, any objections?”
This guy even checked the sand quality?
It's true that when I walked on the beach earlier, I got my feet caught more than I expected. It's hard for me to even dance in that. Since that’s what I felt earlier, Maria, Kuroha, and Shirokusa will definitely have an even harder time practicing the dance.
"How are the stage arrangements going?”
I asked, raising my hand.
“I'll finish the arrangements today. We won't need lighting since we'll be just using the sunlight. I've already given Reina a video camera, but we'll rent two more, and we'll film from three different locations, including me and Sueharu, and edit them. Additionally, I'll rent a sound system.”
"Oi oi, wouldn't it be better to just shoot the dance and edit the sound in it?”
We are just amateurs after all. I don't think we can set the speakers at just the right angle.
However, if you want to add sound afterwards, you don't have to worry about the acoustics.
This is the pattern done in MVs. In the Acid Snake MV, the song was recorded in the studio which was later on combined with the video.
“I already considered that possibility. It's just a matter of trying things out. The better the sound, the easier it is to dance, right? We could make two versions, one that’s left with the sound as it is, and another one with the edited version. That way, it wouldn't be a waste of time.”
It sounds good to say that we're going to try both, but in a way, it's a bit of a toss-up. Tetsuhiko said that he wanted to understand the level and capability of the Ultramarine Alliance and try to improve from it, but it would certainly be better to think of this as a practice rather than a real competition.
“How about the setup staff?”
“It’s going to be Sueharu, Reina, Shida-chan’s little sisters, and me…it’ll be hard if Shida-chan’s study group is left alone as the setup staff.”
“Aoi and Akane are definitely free, but use them with the understanding that they're just first-year junior high school girls, okay? I'll carry the heavy stuff, okay?”
Well, Tetsuhiko was showing a certain kindness to Reina. I'm sure he's not going to make them do anything rash since he’ll be dealing with girls.
“When it comes to studying, there are points that depend on Shida-chan’s motivation…I'll check on the conditions tomorrow, and if it looks like we can assemble the stage, then we’ll gather the staff and finish it the day after tomorrow first thing in the morning.”
As usual, Tetsuhiko is very considerate of Kuroha. I'm grateful for that, because if Tetsuhiko and Kuroha got involved in a serious fight, I wouldn’t be able to stop them.
“Speaking of which, what about the costumes?”
That's right, the performers were worried about their clothes. Even though swimsuits were no longer allowed, Tetsuhiko was still a man of his word. I didn't know what he'd make them wear.
“I haven't prepared it yet because of the size problem. The three of you should go buy the costumes tomorrow. Eri-san, can I ask you to drive?”
“Ehh~, I can’t drink alcohol tomorrow~?”
Ah, even though the sun was still high in the sky, Eri-san was already very wasted.
“I'm going to ask you to pick up the Shida sisters, and when you do, I'm going to ask you to take Kachi and Maria, and buy them on your way back here.”
"I see~. That means I can drink in the afternoon~. That's fine then~.”
Her criteria for judging was whether she could drink or not…I’m sure that’s not a good personality for a leader to possess…I’m starting to feel a little uneasy about this…
The other thing I wanted to check was how well the two of you are dancing. For now, let's have a look at it.
Tetsuhiko's gaze shifted to Shirokusa and Maria.
For a moment, Shirokusa showed a nervous expression. Seeing that, Maria stood up first.
“Then, I’ll show you.”
We all went out to the terrace, as we needed a little more space to dance.
Shirokusa told us that there were folding chairs and tables in the warehouse for parties outside, but right now there was nothing but a large open space.
The floor of the terrace was concrete, but it seemed to be very hot on this sunny day.
We were wearing sandals, which were provided at the entrance to the terrace, but of course we had to take them off for the dance.
I turned on the faucet near the doorway. This faucet seemed to be set up so that people who came up from the beach to the terrace could wash their feet when they entered the room.
I poured a bucket of water all over the terrace.
一At the same time, the water evaporated and the floor cooled down.
一Doing it once didn't seem to be enough, so I repeated the process several times.
“What do you think, Momo? Can you do it now?”
“Thank you, Sueharu-oniichan. That’s enough.”
In the meantime, Tetsuhiko was working on his cell phone, getting the song ready.
After putting on her headset with a microphone, Maria took off her sandals and stood in the middle of the terrace. We moved to the shade of the roof and watched her.
I thought I heard her gulp and swallow.
As expected of Maria. Even though she was just standing there with her eyes closed, she had this atmosphere around her. She's wearing a cute little see-through one-piece over her bathing suit, but there's a sense of tension in the air, and I couldn't take my eyes off her.
“Well then, let’s start.”
With that, Tetsuhiko tapped on his phone.
The music was pop and cute, which was evident from the prelude. The slightly retro melody and lyrics were said to have been created with giving people nostalgia in mind. That's why the words "summer" and "idol" come to mind even without the video, making it a straightforward and nice song.
This song was an original song that Tetsuhiko got through Soichirou-san.
Originally, there was a three-member idol unit that was going to debut with this song, and they even made a music video for it. However, just a few days before the announcement, the center girl's problems with a man came to light on Twitter, and since the man was a famous male idol, it turned out to be a big problem, so the song was abruptly cancelled and put on hold.
Tetsuhiko had been asking Soichirou-san for a song that the girl members could sing and dance to ever since the middle of the CM competition. According to Tetsuhiko, “When I heard of Kachi’s strategy, I thought we could win the commercial game first, so I just made the next move,” was what he said to me.
The song that was discovered was "Paradise SOS".
The lyrics were about a girl who came to the beach in the summer, meets two cool guys one after the other who aggressively ask her out, and then wonders which one of the two she prefers─ 
“What should I do!? This is where summer love is decided! S・O・S! Paradise SOS!”
The song continues on and later on, connects to the chorus.
The first and second verses are sung by different men, and the A and B melodies are sung by a girl who is upset by the various approaches she receives from men.
(What a shoujo manga-like lyric…)
Which means, the point of this song and dance was just cuteness! It’s all about this.
There’s no way a girl who got flustered and carried away in love couldn’'t be cute.
In that regard, Maria was─ outstanding.
“What should I do!? This is where summer love is decided! S・O・S! Paradise SOS!”
She’s currently on the second chorus, and well, she really knew what she’s doing.
You know, the part where she put her hands on her cheeks and got confused, it's so messed up and bruised! She even improvised a wink when she waved her hands and smiled!
She's completely calculating how to make herself look cute and adorable. It's so calculated that it's almost flirtatious.
If she goes this far, she’ll get the risk of antagonizing all women. However, this will make it more acceptable to men. After comparing the two, she calculated that it would be more appropriate to emphasize the pose in this part of the song, so she's not wrong.
Of course, her singing ability was also above standard. The priority was cuteness rather than goodness. I thought to myself, “If I listen to this with headphones, my brain is going to melt!”
Understand the intentions properly and provide what is needed. This was the work of a professional.
“…Thank you for your time.”
When the song ended, Maria pinched the hem of her dress and bowed.
We responded with applause for her unquestionable performance.
"That's my Momo, all done in a few days! Nice work!”
“That was amazing-tsu! It's the first time I realized that Momochi was an actress!” (TLN: “tsu” here is just Reina’s way of speaking.)
“There's nothing to improve on. It's more of a problem with the overall balance.”
"Maria! You're the cutest thing in the world!”
A storm of praise ensued, but Maria was as graceful as she deserved to be.
I thanked her, but she didn't get carried away and moved to the shade.
"Then, Kachi's up next now."
Shirokusa’s face was pale.
Even though she's in the shade, with the dense, hot sea breeze blowing, she's… shivering.
“Shiro… Are you okay?”
She finally came back to herself with my voice.
However, it seemed that she was only able to reply "yes".
"Tetsuhiko, isn't it harsh for her to suddenly do it after Momo's performance?"
It's no wonder Shirokusa shivered.
Just now, Maria's singing and dancing were on the level of professional skills. It would be very hard for an amateur to do it after that kind of performance.
“Well, I suppose you’re right.”
Tetsuhiko agreed to my proposal surprisingly easily.
"Well then, I'm going to go for a little swim to change my mind. Also, you can only show it to me and Reina later─”
"─I'll do it!"
The speech was cut off, with Shirokusa butting in.
However, the way she said it didn’t look good. I could see that she's not confident, but still forced herself to do it.
This was something that had to be done sooner or later, and if she put it off, the pressure could intensify.
I was worried about her, but I couldn't oppose her, and all I could do was watch her.
Shirokusa stood in the middle of the terrace. And then─ the music began.
We watched the singing and dancing of Shirokusa in silence.
She was nervous. Her voice was stiff. Her movements were also stiff. The tension was so contagious that it was almost painful to watch.
But she remembered the song and the dance very well. Even though she was nervous, she didn't make a single mistake.
Shirokusa usually pretended to be able to do everything, but I think she was essentially a meticulous and hardworking person.
However─that meticulousness and seriousness was now coming out as her biggest weakness.
The song ended.
Everyone applauded, but there was some confusion in the air, probably because there was a problem that everyone could see.
“You’re not cute.”
Tetsuhiko, this guy is as relentless as ever.
But─ he's right. I feel sorry for her, but he's actually right.
What this PV needs is cuteness. I don't care if they sing badly or make mistakes in the choreography as long as they are cute and adorable.
Shirokusa sang and danced very tightly. Even in the latter half of the song, when the stiffness had worn off a bit, I could feel the "tightness" in her singing.
Overall, that makes it extremely not cute.
To begin with, Shirokusa had the appearance and proportions of a beauty rather than a cutie. She's a former tormentor, and her flawless gestures and actions have become ingrained in her, making her look dashing and cool. This was the opposite of cute and adorable, which was a vector that inevitably leads to those traits mentioned earlier.
"Well─I'm sorry for that, I'm not very good at this!"
In response to Shirokusa's resignation-like throwaway line, Tetsuhiko was indifferent.
“That’s wrong. I didn’t say you were bad at it, it’s just that you're not cute and adorable.”
“Well, I’m sorry for not being cute and adorable!”
“Like what I’ve been saying, I told you it’s not that.”
It's no good, their exchange is twisted in a way that doesn't look good coupled with the distrust of Tetsuhiko and Shirokusa.
It gave me no choice but to intervene.
"Shiro, what Tetsuhiko wants for you, is to sing and dance in a way that makes you look cute and adorable."
"Everyone at school knows that Shiro is beautiful. I remember the song and dance very well. I'm sure you're not familiar either with these kinds of things, but I thought it was amazing how much you could do in a few days."
Oh, she's in a better mood.
The energy in her expressions have returned.
"Didn't you think Momo was pretentious when you saw her singing and dancing?"
"…I thought she was."
"Considering the song, it's the right thing to do. It might be embarrassing, but I think it needs to be like that."
Shirokusa mumbled in her mouth, thinking so.
To be honest, I think the first and foremost way to look cute and pretty was to abandon your pride, but I couldn't tell you that because everyone had their own way of doing things.
Tetsuhiko looked at his watch.
"It's three o'clock now. I'll give you an hour to play at the beach, and then we'll practice at four. Sueharu and Maria-chan will study in the living room. You guys can do your schoolwork, flirt with Shida-chan, and get some free time. Reina, you watch them for the rest of the day." ED: Sueharu is implied to be the subject for flirting with Shida)
"It can't be helped then-tsu~."
I tilted my head.
"She’s a freshman, right? There's no way she can watch a second year study."
"That's true, Reina can't do anything she hasn't learned before, but you're at a level where you need to review the entire first year. And for the record, Reina's academic ability is definitely higher than yours."
"Not that I have any thoughts on the matter, but…is Reina smart?"
"She's been first in her class since she got here. She's a special student."
In our school, if you are a special student, you have to be in the top ten in your grade.
"Seriously? Come on Reina, it's a lie, right? Please tell me that's not true?"
"Pai-sen, did you think I'm an idiot?"
"You're just like me, right?"
"I'm sorry, Pai-sen, but I really don't want you to think I'm like you, so please stop saying that."
I pulled Reina's cheek. This kouhai of mine isn't well-disciplined.
But… that's right.
Our school basically does not allow part-time work. Since she's in a college preparatory school, her first priority is to study.
That's why Reina has no choice but to earn anything in a dubious way. If they found out that a special student was working part-time, she would be completely out of the program.
But if it's a do-it-yourself shop, she's just about safe.
…Hmm? Barely just about safe? ─No, no, it’s actually out of the question?”
Maybe there's a reason, I'll ask her when she's calmer.
"By the way, does Tetsuhiko-san have good grades?
Maria raised that question, in which I answered.
"Ah, this guy's always in the top 50. He's lower than Kuro and Shiro, right?"
"Well, I don't study too much after all."
"Then how did you get such high grades…?"
Tetsuhiko said so as if it was nothing.
"I predict the questions on the test by reading the teacher's thoughts. I get about eighty percent of the questions right, so I may not be at the top of the class, but I can keep it there."
"Why can't you make use of your talent for the good of the world…"
"You're an idiot. It's sh*t to even think about the sake of the world. Think about it, are there any great people who are saints? People get saved on their own and fall down on their own."
As I shrugged my shoulders, Tetsuhiko went back to his story.
"I'm going to start cooking dinner at five. Those with free time should clean up. That's all, are there any objections?"
"None! Let's go swimming!
After all, I haven't swam properly up to this point.
I have to study, and I also have the PV, but for now, let's forget about all that and just have fun!
"Reina, why don't you stop filming and start playing?"
"Are you sure, Tetsu-senpai?"
"Well, there's a ban on swimsuits, so there's no point in taking useless footage."
"In that case…"
…As expected of Tetsuhiko, this guy is really nice to Reina.
As I was the first one to go out and swim in the ocean, the other members of the group, except for Eri-san, gathered around.
At first they were hesitant to take off their jackets, but seeing me and Tetsuhiko swimming must have given them a sense of freedom. One by one, they took off their jackets and went into the sea.
I was secretly paying attention to the member… Reina, whom I hadn't seen in a swimsuit yet.
Reina took off her T-shirt and unleashed her highest potential.
…I see, it's an off-shoulder bikini. The fluttering around the chest hides the breasts…but it's still wonderful. And, although I hadn't noticed it before, it's not just her breasts, she also has a surprisingly firm neckline and hips─
Eating Tetsuhiko’s lariat-like attack, I fell into the sea, back of the head first.
"Tetsuhiko! You b*st*rd! What the hell are you doing!"
"Nothing, I was just spacing out, you know? You're pretending to attack me, right?"
"I can't be idle if I'm pretending like that!
I dove into the water and scooped up Tetsuhiko's legs and flipped him over.
"Now you've done it!"
"That's what I'm talking about!"
"I'll beat you to death!"
"That's my line!"
"You're an *sshole…"
Oi, kouhai. I can hear you. You'll get another spanking later.
Tetsuhiko put his hands around my shoulders and choked me, then mumbled in my ear.
"Oi, you should take care of Kachi during this time."
"She's losing confidence, isn't she? You got her out of withdrawal, didn't you? You should help her out."
This person, it's not that he can't be considerate of others. It's just that he basically doesn't do so.
I'm sure he's probably saying this now because it's going to hurt his practice later on if he doesn't get Shirokusa back…this guy should be nicer to people around him on a regular basis.
Well, this time though, what he said was correct, so I nodded my head in agreement.
I pushed Tetsuhiko away and swam over to Shirokusa, who was diving near the rocks.
Shirokusa's long black hair was wet and stuck to her cheek.
The different atmosphere was fresh, clean, and sexy.
My heart was beating fast, and I couldn't help but get nervous.
"I-it's so nice here! The ocean is so blue and clear! Thank you for bringing me here!"
Shirokusa's eyes widened. The grimness drained from her expression.
"…Unn. I've always wanted to bring Sue-chan here someday…always."
When I heard the word 'always' from Shirokusa, it pierced my heart.
It's only three letters. (TLN: It's three because of the raws of the word 『ずっと』)
But how many years of feelings were piled up in those three letters?
Just thinking about it makes me feel sorry and sad, and I can't stand it any longer.
Shirokusa was staring at me.
Water dripped from her chin and her hair, and her skin was also glistening.
She was so beautiful that I found myself staring back at her again.
My heartbeat was accelerating. My body is supposed to be cooled by the ocean, but it's not slowing down at all.
But it's not like I'm nervous. I don't feel embarrassed.
I'm just…drawn to it.
In the pure eyes of Shirokusa, in the true and straightforward affection, I─
A deafening voice reached my ears.
Looking back, you will see that Maria was flailing on the surface of the sea.
(…Is she drowning!?)
I looked around and it seemed that I was the closest one to her.
"Wait for me!"
I crawled all the way to where Maria was and took her in my arms.
"Are you okay, Momo?"
My feet can reach the…
"Just kidding ♡"
I threw away Maria.
"You shouldn't really do that, you know!? Do I have to tell you the story of the wolf boy!? There are some things you can do and some things you can't!?" (ED: Probably referencing the boy who cried wolf)
"It's just because~I wanted Sueharu-oniichan to come~"
Maria hugged me again.
A slender arm was wrapped around my neck. Her soft skin was close to mine, and I could feel her breasts, though modest, pressing against my arms.
…Maria had always been like a younger sister to me. No matter how cute and adorable she was as an idol, and how popular she was as the "ideal sister" in the world, she can't just─
"Sue-chan, what were you grinning at…?"
I'm sure she was also worried about Maria. It was Shirokusa who followed me, but when she saw our exchange─she became furious.
"Why were you grinning?"
"What's wrong with you?"
"I can't believe you're so horny for this poor girl…! How dare you think of such a sl*tty image…!"
"W-wait a minute! It's not like that!"
"Shirokusa-san! Can you please omit the word "poor?” Also, I'm not sure what you mean by "not", Sueharu-oniichan!?"
"Like I said, that's not what I meaaaaaaant!"
"Boys are…! Boys are just…!"
The sound of slaps rang out.
I floated on the surface of the sea.
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 (ED: Ok, but why isn’t it this easy to get a gf irl)